Squire’s Corner: Undefinable
Sometimes there are occasions where you meet someone who is so overwhelmingly rare and stimulates your mind and touches you in ways that are undefinable. I am almost 100% sure many of you out there have experienced these ‘wow’ moments, yet felt confused about how to define your feelings for that certain someone who doesn’t seem to fit so neatly in your world view. I recently saw a special friend who hasn’t been around much and although I thought I had gotten a handle on my feelings for her and where she fits in my life, I was reminded how complicated relationships can be, whether lover or friend.
In any relationship, there is give and take. People are complimentary and usually provide something to the other that meets a need, want or desire in them. Traits, characteristics, intelligence, and experiences are mutually shared and even in vanilla relationships, there is power exchange. It’s just that the leather world provides a variety of ways of expressing those types of power and gives voice to it, and terminology. So, in order to deal with my feelings, I tried to adapt leather perspectives and power exchange dynamics in order to help define this meaningful connection for me. Seems easy enough, right? Not necessarily, especially when you are attracted to them but they aren’t attracted to you in the same way. But it gets even more complicated when both women are gay, the lines almost certainly, can get blurred.
I’m almost afraid to admit this, but although I am a part of both worlds, the relationships and dynamics in the leather frame of reference allows for a more structured, symbiotic power exchange no matter what role you may be playing and at any given time. In a sense, these power dynamics tend to keep a relationship to its most basic of expression which seems less complicated, in my opinion. So, in an attempt to transfer the ideals of a Daddy/boy dynamic to us, I felt less confused, well at least for a little while. But trying to fit circles into squares rather than accepting what I did have, and not what I hoped to have, I eventually came to recognize that what she needed from me was someone she could lean on and learn from. And what I needed was to be a mentor for her. In the end, we created our own special connection, without the limitations that labels tend to place on us.
Why are we so inclined to define everything? Does it have to do with controlling a situation rather than staying in the moment, or is it the innate need to connect on some level as if a deep, primal urge to find our missing halves becomes the basis for our happiness? I think it has more to do with finding your place in relationship to everything around you. Perhaps we need to define ourselves rather than our perceptions of what others define for us. Points to Ponder.
And as always, please feel free to email me at [email protected].