I know I’m stating the obvious with that headline. We ALL know that this year has sucked. Pretty much the one good thing has been the fact that the orange menace was voted out of office.
But there’s also been a lot of losses. Just this past week, I lost my father. He died at home, in his sleep, at the age of 73 back in my hometown in Indiana.
I’m, sorta, okay. I think I’m still a bit numb. There are still a lot of moments that I think of something I want to say to him next time I see him, then I remember. My stomach twists. I get stopped in my tracks. It passes. But to a degree, it isn’t quite real yet. It won’t be pretty when it is.
I was lucky. My relationship with my dad was actually pretty good, even with me being a bleeding heart liberal and a big homo. He didn’t quite understand it, but he supported me, usually without question. I actually felt calm after talking with him on the phone or during holidays.
I also know, from experience, that my mom is going through worse. She’s handling it pretty good. She’s more functional than I was after I lost my husband. That does not mean it’s been easy. There are moments that she’ll stop talking, put up a finger and cry silently. Losing a spouse is a certain kind of pain. It’s someone you’ve basically said “yes, this is my favorite person.” And then you stay with them for, like, ever. So to lose them is like having a part of you ripped away.
I was with my husband for 10 years before he passed away. Losing him destroyed me and my world. Most of what I’ve spent the past three and a half years doing is basically rebuilding a life. My parents were together for 49 years.
There is no easy way with this. I’ve already been down to my hometown since the news hit and have been talking with mom on a regular basis in the week since it happened. Not much to do except keep going.
But 2020 sucks. The year can end right now.